Open the past and let's start over.

2019 There is only the last 100 God, I remember clearly 1 month 1 The plan I wrote down for myself that day , In the past three-quarters of the days : confused , anxious , tired , insomnia , Unknown way .
​ With the growth of age and mentality, the difficulties we encounter are gradually being solved , But the confusion and anxiety we encounter never seem to change , In the past few days, I don't remember how many days I lived in a mess , It's so vivid .
There are still some unfinished plans at the beginning of the year. I will do it seriously in the next days , When I first made a plan, I would stay up until 2 a.m. every night to complete the full tasks arranged every day ​, I really felt like I had beaten chicken blood at that time, so I didn't feel tired at all .
stay 3 Start to finish a plan by yourself in January , During this period, I put everything on hold just to complete this one. I took it very seriously every day, but the final result would be so bad. It was really unacceptable at that time. After this defeat, I didn't expect that it would have such a great impact on myself. How degenerate I was from the end of March to the beginning of April .
From the middle of April, I asked myself if I would do it again. At that time, my mind was really confused , Go to , Or not? ？ I really can't make up my mind. I told my good friend about the situation , She told me to go on and say it's good to treat it with an ordinary heart , At that time, I did it because I was unwilling . In the last ten days, I passed the test smoothly and got the result I wanted, but I don't know why I'm not happy. I always feel it's not worth it. During this period, I spent too much time and energy on this matter. Although I got what I wanted, I also lost a lot .
In the later period of time, I felt that there was a big problem in my state of mind. When I met something, I didn't face it, but chose to escape , you 're right “ escape ” These two words are too heavy and too light , In fact, the body is the most honest , Whatever you feel embarrassed or want to escape , The body has given the answer at the first time , I've been thinking in my mind these days if I vaguely realize what I'm avoiding , What should I do next ？
I think most of the time to escape is to be cruel to yourself , If you want to be reckless, you can't do whatever you want. You don't want to compromise like reality, but you don't have the ability to resist , I want everything , But I don't want to do anything , I always feel that things will be solved if I procrastinate .
I think it's time to take a look at what you've been avoiding for a long time , When you have to face it, you have to face it , It's no use escaping , I can't escape from facing .
I saw a sentence before : The ones that hurt you , It will make you grow .
We always need ​ A period of time that moved me , Bury your youth , What kind of heart you have determines what kind of life you want , Only after walking some way can you find what you really want .
I will move forward bravely and face everything calmly in the next days , Take the rest 100 Wonderful day .
Written in 2019.9.23